Stay Gold , Lose Glory , Find Love

Today was a day like no other . I realized how difficult life can be. I saw the people that make the world a bad place. And the people that make it a good place. I lost all hope for a while and then realized how rediculous some people in this world can be. Even myself. I realized that it's not about the hot guy in your English class, or about the cheerleaders that make you want to jump off the top of the Math building. It's not living this life that makes it difficult it's how you live it and your attitude towards it. I would hope that he would realize how horribly wrong it is , this pain that he caused me years ago. It's not easy to move on from this point where people and cross walks meet in the middle of a busy street and they let cars crash into them because it feels better then a breaking heart. Not everyone has a heart of ice so please let me teach you how to melt mine.

When it's about him and me, I'm completly free.But when I think about the chance that I could have I realize how impossible it really is. I realize writing your name and mine a thousand times will never make it come true. And just because I can write down I love you doesn't mean I do. Standing in a mirror singing your songs doesn't make a difference if I dont know where they're from. Even if I do it wouldn't make any sense to you because how I feel about that song and that line about the girl you used to love doesn't mean I know why you wrote it or understand why you said it like you did. I'm in love with someone I've never met. People call me obsessive and I call it boredom. But either way I come back to him and thinking of him to help my insomnia I fall asleep to dream of him hurting me more and more. But what's worse is knowing that it isn't me that he can hurt anymore. I thought I liked him maybe even loved. But when I thought about I'd realized I'd screwed up. Picking the "nice guy" isn't always easy and yes I realize some of these lines are rather cheesy. I rather not say where this is coming from but all I can say is I realized that today I'm truly done.Done with that idea that I have to be perfect, done with thinking that you and me are meant to be. Because for all I know you wouldn't even recognize me, in 10 years or 20 , or even many more I realized today I'm not giving in to this anymore. Stop walking on eggshells it's not like they'll break. If I love you then you should love yourself too, and me if you have the time. Which I know you dont so I'll stop this endless rhyme.

Have you ever had those days where your doing something completley normal in your day and yet you kinda take a step outside of yourself and feel like your watching yourself and then you have that moment of " Is this really my life.. is this really the person i am?"

I read a qoute from a guy that is really smart and extremly talented.

"Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath.
this is why I walk to the ocean.swim with sharks and jellyfish.
I may never get this chance again.
this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss.
If you want to cry you should cry, and
if you want to live you should live.
You don't have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia.it's for lovers (or just friends)
This is why I do it."

it made me think that we should all live this way. My grandmother died of lung cancer. and while yes it was sad it taught me something. to never rely on something to make yourself feel better. such as Alcohol  or ciggarettes ,etc. the guy who wrote that lost someone this year. his father. to alcoholism. and while i do not know this guy personally. i feel for him. the same way we all feel for someone who has lost someone to something as stupid as a beer or a cigarrette. if you know who wrote that qoute dont get all jackass on me and be like " yeah i feel for him.. blahty blah .. " because we all do. it sucks to lose someone. and i know that feeling. however this kid is talented and deserves our support as fans to just listen to the music . read his words. and hope that he'll be happier one day.

"slowly but surely the tide will change and when it does i hope we'll still feel the same because my heart is a mix of songs that i wrote for you that i hope one day you will keep forever listening and knowing how much i really loved you." - me.